Police Report Courtesy of Self-proclaimed Fashion Policewoman

The Fashion Police must have been off duty this morning, so I took it upon myself to make some citizen arrests and rid the world of fashion mishaps. The first violator I saw was this woman who was wearing a knee-length skirt. All was fine in general with the skirt, but she must have lost some weight and the skirt twisted or something because the pocket had moved a perfect 90 degrees and was facing dead-on straight forward. I know this can happen, but the pocket was really noticeable (often skirts don’t have pockets). It was really funny because at first all I saw at first was this pocket walking toward me, which is a weird for your brain to process (shouldn’t she be walking the other way if I see the pocket?). She was on her cell; otherwise I would have stopped to tell her. Violation #2: was this very clean cut guy wearing a polo shirt and pressed khakis. He had his man bag and product in the hair. He was also wearing sleek tan leather shoes, but as he walked in front of me I saw that one shoe had a very visible hole about an inch long in the heel. It didn’t fit with his otherwise perfectly maniquered look. Violation #3: okay the other two were unfortunate; this one was just wrong. This woman was wearing a nice light blue summer suit. Underneath she had on the worst possibly top—it looked like something Madonna wore from the eighties only worse. It was a white lace stretch tank top; but not the kind that are overall sheer with certain parts darker. This was lace and skin; wherever there was not lace, there was skin. It was beyond see-through; you could see her entire bra, not the outline of the bra. I wrote her a ticket on the spot.